“Does this excite you?” the husband asks the wife.
“Not at all,” the wife says. Then, her next thought: “Well, actually, I kind of like it.”
And the wife asks the husband, “How does that feel?”
“Who cares?” he may say. Then: “I care!”
And the wife may say, “I’m bored”—and then, “I don’t understand why I’m getting so excited.”
And the husband may say, “It doesn’t matter”—and then, “I feel afraid of losing control.”
And the wife may say, “Who cares?”—and then, “I think I’ve been feeling upset with you for years and holding on to that.”
And the husband may say, “Boring!”—and then, “I’m so angry at you for distancing me all the time. I think you need a good fucking!”
This game may or may not lead to actual sexual intercourse the first time it’s played. Instead, the first few times might result only in “seducing” buried feelings and bringing them to the surface—feelings such as lust, fear, anger, or jealousy. A rule of therapy is that if an individual is afraid to feel negative emotions, he or she won’t be able to feel positive ones, either. So if we suppress any feelings, we end up suppressing them all. Once suppression and repression are lifted, there may be a temporary euphoria of liberation—followed by anxiety and then a resurfacing of the “negative” emotions we have been holding on to, denying, or projecting onto others.
This third game may be repeated as often as needed, until it leads to sexual intercourse, passion, and more-honest communication. It may also be used in combination with other games.
*36/196/1*
